Series Two Aired 2002

Brian Gets Everyone Back Together

The club has burnt down (rival Den Perry did it) and Brian has been barred from holding a licence due to safety shortcuts and insurance fiddles. But, inspired by old mate Hoss Cartwright (Jim Bowen) who runs Blackpool’s La Ponderosa, Brian has plans for a revival. He needs the help of his former employees, especially Jerry St Clair, who has been reduced to the role of singing salesman at Asda. Features Bob Carolgees and Spit The Dog hosting a Kilroy-like TV talk show.

Family Fun Day

Brian stages a family fun day to raise money from people “with giros burning a hole in their shell suits” so that he can revive the Phoenix Club. Jerry gets dressed as a berry, there’s a pink paradise for kids (in a converted loo) and a bouncy castle in which an inflatable penis is disguised as a snake.

Crimetime

To get publicity, Brian arranges for the Phoenix Club to be featured on TV show Crimetime (presented by Stuart Maconie), recreating the night of the blaze. It turns into a blatant plug for the club and features Jerry’s performance of Reach For The Stars. Meanwhile, the Chinese cooks are stir frying everything and the seedy Spencer (Daniel Kitson) is hired as a barman.

Quiz

The Phoenix Club stages a quiz night to launch Kamikaze lager – and Brian is determined to win a year’s free supply. Jerry is unhappy that the event clashes with his Free And Easy night and he pops a few too many pills.

Ladies’ Night

Brian is trapped on his stairlift in a powercut (“What would Thora Hird do?”). It’s Ladies’ Night at the club, where Patrick steps in to strip (as Lord Love Rocket) for the sex-crazed women. Max gets asked by a woman to bump off her husband.

Stars In Their Eyes

Things are going well at The Phoenix Club. The Chinese food is a hit and everyone’s looking forward to the Stars In Their Eyes night, when the brewery are paying a visit. But then Den Penny resorts to sabotage. Meanwhile, Max and Paddy are in trouble with the woman who thought they’d killed her husband.


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